The beginning of this week was really difficult for me. On the unit where I
work at the prison we have some of the most disruptive inmates in the whole
institution. Earlier this week they had brought their disruptive efforts to
a new level and it was almost impossible to do rounds.
Imagine for a moment
that you are tasked to help some individuals who are suffering deeply with
mental illness and right next to these individuals are those who are
determined to make life miserable for you. All you are trying to do is have
a conversation with someone who needs your help and you can’t even hear them
because several guys in close proximity are screaming crude, lewd, and
malicious things at you and the rest of your treatment team the whole time
you are on the unit. Now add into the mix them banging on their cell doors
and throwing things out from under their doors (things which I would rather
not mention….) and you’ve got the picture.
So the first two days of the week this is what I was dealing with and by
the time Wednesday came around I was not looking forward to another day of
dealing with it. It is not as if I have not dealt with this before, or on a
regular basis, but sometimes it is worse than others and my resilience is
not what it needs to be so I really do not look forward to going onto the
unit. I had been thinking all week about things I would “love to say to
these guys” but knew that this just wasn’t me.
I must admit that I was feeling somewhat helpless and trapped as I was
driving to work Wednesday and then I thought to pray. However, I decided
that the majority of my prayer time wasn’t going to be focused on asking God
to make the unit quitter (although I really wanted that) but instead I was
going to pray for the disruptive inmates by name and ask God to help them
come out of their darkness and into His light. I contemplated their
miserable existence and how miserable they must be to want to make others so
miserable and I asked God to work in their hearts that they could take steps
that would help them to have a better life.
I must tell you that after my rounds on Wednesday I was amazed and filled
with awe and praise. The whole unit was quiet and I was able to have
respectful and decent conversation with the men who were making trouble. I
know I shouldn’t have been amazed about how God can work in people’s hearts
but trust me, when you witness the hearts of men who are so debased and bent
on evil you almost tell yourself that God can’t get through to such
individuals. I was also telling myself that He might quiet one person down
for me but that would not stop the others. Well, God did immeasurably more
than I could have imagined and the unit remained quiet the rest of the week.
It is amazing how when we are faced with difficult situations we figure that
God can’t help us out. We become so overwhelmed by what is happening that we
think He must see things the same way. That is our foolishness, thinking
that the God who parted the sea, brought manna from heaven, brought the
plagues, fed thousands with meager offerings, raised people from the dead,
and on showed his power over all creation time and time again can’t enter
into our little world and help us overcome some difficulties.
This week as I was praying for the situation at work to get better I
thought of the following verses from 2 Corinthians 2:
“14 Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and
through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place. 15 For we
are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among
those who are perishing. 16 To the one we are the aroma of death leading to
death, and to the other the aroma of life leading to life.”
That is what I asked God to do. To lead me in triumph in Christ. To go
before me and lead me into the unit already having gained the victory. For
me, whether I was going to be the fragrance of Christ or the aroma of death
was up to The Lord but I just wanted Him to create a situation where I could
be less stressed, help those in need and bring Him the Glory. So….He
did….and now I am.
For Him,